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I know I haven't posted in a while and it is because of school being long, boring and hard (hehehe). But here is something I whilst stumbling. I thought it was important enough to share so here it is. ENJOY!!

Six Funny Life Lessons

Below are 6 very funny and true life lessons to be learned that I’ve received via email. Jokes aside, the insight gained is valuable to everyone and I somehow don’t think you’ll regret reading them.
Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Okay I'm sorry it has taken me this long for me to post but I've been on holidays and then when I was going to post my sister decided to be sick and because i care about my sister I was worrying about this blog, not that i don't care about you.So I also spent some of my holidays doing my schoolwork and making sure that I don't have too much work to do this week or over this weekend. I know I'm a nerd but I get to slack off because of it.
So today was the first day of term 2 and there's not much to say about it. I was really tired and the weather kept changing which was annoying. I got A's on last term's English assignments and B+'s on my business exam. Again I know I'm a nerd but it will pay off... hopefully.
During our last break I was eating my nutella sandwich and one of my friends starting telling us about a game she played in junior school in German. It is a game where two people stand apart from each other and say a word aloud and every time they say the word they take a step forward towards the other person. The first person to laugh, loses. Two of my friends decided to try it and it was hilarious, but no offense to them of course. One time through they decided not to look at each other so they wouldn't move and they got really close to each other but then of my friends did a little dance and it made my other friend crack up. They decided to start again, trying to be serious by putting on a straight face and looking into each other's eyes. They just needed to blink to crack up and it was soo funny watching them trying not to laugh.
I was watching the 7pm project before and they put on this video from A Current Affair and I couldn't help myself from cracking up so I thought I would show it to you because it is so funny.


Did you laugh??? Of course you did. Watch it one more time and look at the wife XD.
Because I havent posted in a while I will put 3 photos up!!!! Yes, THREE!!! Have a good week will post on the weekend. Ciao xoxo

Happy Easter and eat your long awaited for chocolate quickly before someone eats it. My brother has already eaten a whole bunny which was pretty tall. But im actually sick from chocolate and I haven't eaten that much only a about 4 of those favorites. Well here is the pics of the day (cause it is a special day!!!) and video.

I didn't write this but it was sooo funny i just had to share it. I will post my pic and video later today :).

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh (pronounced go) had many relatives. Among them were:-

His obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
The constipated uncle - Cant Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store - Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia - U Gogh
The cousin from Illinois - Chica Gogh
His magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh
His Italian uncle - Day Gogh
His Mexican cousin - Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother - Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach - Wellsfar Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt - Tan Gogh
A sister who loved disco - Go Gogh
The bird lover uncle - Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst - E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin - Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew - Poe Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van - Winnie Bay Gogh
His mathmatical wizard half brother - Gogh Figure

About an hour ago, or two, we went down to the shops intending to buy some easter chocolate but the shops were closed so we just went to the local shops and to get some food for dinner. I got a crunchie :)
Ok so since I've gotten home I've been reading Cyanide and Happiness comics. I got bored and I drew some little comics of my own and I thought i would share them so here they are.
Sorry I can't get it bigger on the post so click on the picture to actually see it :)!!!!
Here are today's picture and video. I'm posting a cyanide and happiness comic because they are funny but I promise no more (actually i can't promise anything lol)


BTW the pyshic (female) is trying to draw the guy across from her and she has a filthy mind (like all of us lol)

Okay, yesterday I found out that 2 people had commented on one of  my posts. The first person who commented was one of my close friends and she was saying how much she liked this blog. BTW THANKS.
Well the other person was said (this is not exact because I deleted it but it is so close)

I am just a random but don't make a vlog. Nobody will want to watch your ugly face talk about the other crap on this blog. I feel sorry for your parents who spawned you into this world and also your friends who obviously are stupid. For my sake and the rest of the world can you just die and please DO NOT make a vlog.

I don't know about you but this does not sound like a random. Actually it sounds like people I know. I will not name their names because I'm not sure who did it but for goodness sakes, that is just plain rude. If you hate me so much that you have to post something up on my blog, that btw takes hours to update, then email with your name so then I can actually fight back in my honor. Well because I don't know their name I am sticking up for myself in this post. Okay for my whole life people have called me ugly but I honestly don't care, words can't hurt me so they dont. The most hurtful thing in this post is when the "random" makes quote to my friends. This person probably doesn't know me and of course they wouldn't know who my friends are but how dare you be mean to people you don't know. I will let you know that my friends are the best. Top of the world friends. Obviously you don't have any if you are wasting your time posting hate messages on my posts. For the sake of me and the rest of the world, if you really hate this blog so much, don't read it, don't even come onto the site. That's simple right.
Sorry about that to the peole who actually read my blog, I just needed to put that up there. I will brighten today up with 2 pictures and a video :)
CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO SEE IT BIGGER(lol, that's what she said)






Oh to the person to commented, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!! (no jks)

I had to show these Cyanide and Happiness comic strips. Here are two that I found funny.
Check more out at their home - Explosm

I am on holidays... well actually I'm supposed to be at school for today and tomorrow but I just couldn't be bothered. Today at school it's cross country which of course I wouldn't be doing and tomorrow is the last day of term and all we have is clean up and long boring assemblies. So I'm at home doing... nothing. I was thinking about writing another book. This one would be a scary one which is a challenge for me because I am normally a dramatic writer. Writing stories is something like a phase for me, like most things.
Okay well I was thinking lets make this blog more interesting. HOW? I thought. Add a VLOG!!! Oh yeah, I am going to make a home advertisement for this blog and then continue and make a vlog. If you don't know what a vlog is well... then where have you been. It's a video blog. Duh! Well yeah I will be posting them on youtube and then posting them on a page on this blog. Awesome I know. Hope you like my idea and feel free to watch them as much as you want.
Well I'm going to brainstorm some ideas. I will leave you with a picture and a video today. ENJOY!

Remember those time when you hear someone but the words are just to weird to actually make sense? Well something like that happened to me today. I was in my mum's van and we were stuck in traffic so I put on some music, really loud of course. After we had been stuck in the same spot for like 2 minutes she said

Oh look at the cricket riding a bike

I gave my mum the weirdest look after I searched for this talented cricket but I couldn't find it, ANYWHERE. My mum then asks what my weird look is for and I say

You know what I thought you just said, "Look at the cricket riding a bike."

Then instinctively my mum looks out of the window and then back at me and laughs saying

Who knows

She had actually said; "It would of been quicker to ride a bike." I laughed so hard. So next time you're stuck in those terribly annoying traffic jams, make weird comments cause then you will have something to talk about :). Okay not much to say now so here is the Picture of the day and Video (because I can)!!!

Have you ever wondered about what rabbits think about Easter? Well I normally don't and you probably don't either but I did today when I was eating a chocolate bunny. I was thinking what real bunnies, so rabbits, hares excetera, would think about Easter and how they are portrayed. Okay it is starting to sound like I'm writing an English assignment, which by the way, I have done today. What If.... A rabbit saw us eating a chocolate bunny? How would they react? Would they turn against us and start killing us?
Well I ate a chocolate bunny and I thought maybe they think that we praise them. We make yummy treats shaped like them. Who knows but I would reccomnend NOT eating a chocolate bunny in front of a rabbitt.

Last night I decided to play my Nintendo ds which I haven't played in ages but instead of playing my usual games such as Pokemon ( I know I'm a geek so don't judge me) or style boutique (again I am not a girly girl and this game is targeted for young girls but it is fun) I played Are you smarter than a 5th grader?. Well it started pissing me off. I got a question wrong and I got saved my a 5th grader and the host said "Oh my, you aren't relying on a ten year old are you now?" How intimidating!! Of course I wasn't relying on the pixelated kid I just got a question wrong. Nobody's perfect. Well after 5 times of trying I eventually won and the host said "Obviously you ARE smarted than a 5th grader." DAMN RIGHT I AM!!!! Well yeah and then I went to sleep and dreamt about winning the lotto which didn't happen. :( Better luck next time. Well here is the pic of the day and video


 PS By Next Week I should have a homemade advertisement for this blog!!! EXCITING!!!!

OMG it's been forever since my last post and I am sorry. School started and I've been really busy *cough*. Well I am actually trying this year not to get sick and trying to get good grades which is hard because it's really hard work this year. Not much interesting stuff has happened but I will tell you about this week.
SATURDAY(last week) - For the first time in ages I left the house for something more than school, doctors and groceries. My mum had entered a competition to win tickets to go see Alice and Wonderland and of course we won so I went with my sister. It was amazing and I thought it was hilarious when the Jabberwocky's head rolled down the stairs at the end because it bounces. LOL. After that we walked around Garden City and we went to Borders. I love Borders, they have so many books, including manga!!!!!
SUNDAY -  I did my homework. I know really interesting but after I finished I rediscovered my love for manga and bought two books. The two books were Skip Beat! Volume 5 and Blood and Chocolate(which isnt a manga) Skip beat is about a girl who wants to get revenge on a guy who took advantage of her and has been mean to her all of her life even though she cared for him. He is a star so the only way she can take revenge  is by entering the show buisness which is what she does and the series has turned out to be soo funny. Oh and I got the books off Book Deposistory and all of there prices on books are amazing. SOOO CHEAP!!!! FREE SHIPPING!!!
MONDAY - THURSDAY - I went to school on monday and one lesson on tuesday and then spent from tuesday till thursday at home reading manga!!!! LOL!!!! not really I also did an assignment and slept a lot because I was actually really sick.
FRIDAY- was a friday. maths test, friends with boyfriend problems and annoying guys who seem to take pleasure in watching you react to stupid, immature comments. I watched the Holiday on tv and it was one of those movies that make you smile :)
Im not doing anything much this weekend just finishing touches to assignments and stuff like that. Well I will leave you with a picture and a video because it's been such a long time. Have a good week.

    

This is really weird. I was on stumbleupon and I came across this site called Cut Out + Keep. I immediately feel in love with it. It has just about everything I've been looking for in a new site. It's got lots of crafts ideas and how-tos which makes it great but what made it fantastic for me was the food section. They had a 5 minute chocolate mug cake which I attempted last night with my brother and it was soo yummy (though it could of used some cream :P). At the start of the recipe it said " this is the most dangerous cake recipe ever." and the while I read through the steps I was thinking how stupid that statement was because it was easy enough for me to make. But the last instruction tips me off and I have a quite laugh to myself because it's so true.
This is what the last instruction was;
Here is the link: 5 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake
Oh and I got a bit confused with the measurements but everything is in tablespoons except the egg of course. I might make it again soon if I can go to the shops and buy some sugar and maybe some more ice cream for milkshakes.
I've found some really cute and weird things on this site like a Fish Plushie the can turn into a sushi plushie. Also their were these Cupcakes that were themed for Halloween and they looked really gross. They were called  Blood Clot and Brain Cupcakes. I know, sick.
Well apart from finding this amazing site (unfortunely too far into the holidays that I wont get to try a lot the ideas before I go back to school) nothing much has happened. I still havent seen avater which is annoying but I suppose it will happen sooner or later but I would prefer sooner than later. Well I really want to try one of the ideas that is featured on the forementioned site. Here is your picture of the day.

Ok I was on the internet just searching up jokes on google and then I came across this site called 'Funny and Jokes'. I was just about to leave the site becuase they had a lot of Tiger Woods jokes and I'm really sick and tired of hearing about him but I came across this and you just have to read it, I couldn't get over it.

So I'm at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I'm thinking "Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?" Fortunately, I'm only 29 years old. You'll understand when you read the letter.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.
Great, as if I didn't get enough shit already....

Yeah, I was literally rolling on the floor laughing. Okay I don't think I will write a full on post today so I will just post the Picture of the Day.

Okay you know when you are having a wonderful time just enjoying doing nothing and a scary thought pops up in your head? Well I had one of those moments yesterday when I was playing my new wii game, Guitar Hero 5. I had saved up all year in hope of purchasing an iPod Touch but unfortunely when my uncle died, my mum stopped giving my sister and I money so I knew I would never save up enough but when I bashed my money tin open I didn't expect the amount in there. There was $102.90 in there. My mum gave me 10c to even it up and I had $50 in christmas money so technically it was the most money I'd ever had to spend on only me and the first thing I wanted to buy was Guitar Hero so I did. Did you know that it really hurts your wrist to play it for longer then half an hour? Where was I? Oh yeah, when I was playing yesterday I thought of something that literally sent shivers down my spine. School starts in 20 DAYS!!!! When I say school I mean returning to the place that I hardly went last year but amazingly still passed 9th grade. But even scarier then actually returning is that I'm starting grade 10, SENIOR SCHOOL! Just thinking about it makes me feel cold. This was the main topic that centered in the major conversation I had with my mum and sister. We talked for like 2 hours about school in general so like electives for 11th grade and how much effort we were going to put into our work. Of course we answered with the generic reply of 'All of our effort and time.' but this time I wasn't just saying it. I was going to put in all I could without relapsing (get sick again) because that would be catastrophic in my case because I lost grade 9 to my health and I am not losing any year in senoir school because every I do from now on will be counting towards my still unknown future. Everyday gets closer to that first day back which actually happens to my mum's birthday. My younger brother will be moving from his state school to my school which is going to be a good oppotunity for him to learn and make friends. But the best thing about him coming to my school is that my mum feels more comfortable driving him to school so I won't have to catch the bus so often which is great for me because there are people on the bus I geniunely hate (AKA my ex.). But I do have one friend who catches and he would probably be a bit lonely but I think he can cope with it. More importantly I hope my brother actually takes the advantage of having the opportunity to succeed and move forward and not just waste my mum's time and effort it took to get him into the school and that isn't even mentioning the money about to be spent on his uniforms and tution. Well I hope all turns out well. I guess if I stop thinking the worst and think of happier things then bad thing won't happen but going back to school is inevietiable. Ok, on the lighter side of things, here is the picture of the day.
I am not racist and if anyone was offended by this then I'm sorry. I was just trying to have a laugh. :)
PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP AND IN THE NICEST WAY POSSIBLE, FOLLOW ME!!
I will appreciate this very much.

Santa visited my house on Christmas and gifted me with a portable music library which some people call an iPod. I'm absolutely loving it. Having all my music on something so small. Incredible!! Well because this wonderful peice of electronics has this feature were you can listen to your songs on shuffle which helps me discover some songs I haven't actually listened to before. So lately I've been listening to some really werid songs and one of them was called 'Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet?'. It is my favourite song at the moment and I love the lyrics, like most of Relient K's songs. Well I was listening to the song for like the hundredth time when I realised I didn't know what a hatchet was so I searched it upon on dictionary.com and it told that a hatchet was an.... wait for it.... AXE!!!!
I ALMOST FAINTED!!!!! WHAT HAD I BEEN LISTENING TO FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS??? And then I scrolled down and underneath the defintion there was a defintion of the idiom with hatchet in it it. Here is what it said;

 bury the hatchet, to become reconciled or reunited; make peace.


 That really cleared things up for me because if it was an axe then the song had a sick and twisted hidden message that I clearly didn't get. Well the menaing of the title fitted song and it made a hell of a lot more sense. Few that was a close one. I hate it when I love a song and listen to it constantly and tell everybody you like it and - worst of all - singing it out loud and finding out that the lyrics were wrong and that the song was actually sick and usually sexual. That sucks, BIG TIME. I did that once with Don't Trust Me by 3OH!3. I though the lyrics were ' Don't trust at all' then I searched up the lyrics and it was 'Don't trust a whore'. How to embarass myself!!! Before finding this out I had sung it aloud on a pincnic table with one of my friends. How embarassing. Okay enough about that I am going to go and get ready to go over to my uncle's house. I think we are going to watch 2012!! Yay!!! But I didn't want to see that movie. I thought it would be really scaring becuase this could actually happen not like ghost and physco killer movies cause you know its all fictional but not like 2012 or he Day After Tomorrow which I still haven't seen the ending to that because I'm scard of the movies. Okay this time I'm really going so see you.

Oh yeah ....... you thought I had forgotten. Here is your Daily Dose of Imagery!!

The path I take to validate,

 Everything I do means everything I create is 

 Knocking on the door of everything I hate,

 I'll decline.

  'cuz I'm having a good time. 

So I started reading this book last night called 'The Dangerous Days Of Dainel X'. It's about an Alien that hunts bad aliens. It's kind of a boy story but I kinda like it. I'm almost finished because it is so good. It is written by the famous author, James Patterson. Did you know that he has written close to 60 books and there is still more one the way? He has also had 19 consectutive New York Times Bestsellers. Amazing, eh? Well I went on his site and found out that there was a community and that in this online community people shared videos and this is one video I thought was hilarous. It goes for almost 11 mins but it was worth it.

Well I just thought you would like to see it. Another weird thing that happened today was that our bin was stolen but we realised that this pychotic kid down the street stole it and it had all last weeks rubbish in it. How annoying. I also had this dream last night that someone I had never met before told me to not wear the colour black which of course isn't going to happen because most of my clothes are black and black compliements me better than any other colour. I suppose I could possibly do it maybe for a couple days or so but not forever. It would be fashion suicide for me and I would have to wash more which is something I prefer not to do. Well see you for now. Oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!